My name is B. I am a 5'4, 18 year, young adult that lives in the U.S. I've always had a complicated relationship with food, I used to be dramatically overweight and now I'm underweight. Right now, I'm at a difficult place, I want to recover but at the same time I love how I look. Life has just been getting more and more complicated.
Starting BMI: 20-22
Current BMI: 15
SW: 118 (53.6kg) April 22nd
CW: 90
LW: 90
I've had an eating disorder for 4 years.
Four-year-old Paige Bennethum really, really didn’t want her daddy to go to Iraq. So much that when Army Reservist Staff Sgt. Brett Bennethum lined up in formation at his deployment this July, she couldn’t let go. No one had the heart to pull her away.
Everyone should stop reblogging hipster photos and reblog this, it won’t ruin your ‘type’ of blog.
(via selfinspiration)
hospital
i called this hospital twice and they never get me back on the phone, it’s like phone tag. I might be going away for a while… I told my dad at therapy last night and he was very comforting and took it soooo well, he was sad that he thought I couldn’t trust him or confide in him about this cause my aunt also had a really bad eating disorder so he knows about this stuff. I was worried but now it’s okay… ntil I have to tell my mom… shes gunna freak out and smother me and cry and watch me even more… but at least my dad is better at taking this news.
So, hospital. I’m kinda scared because I really don’t want to eat but at the same time I just want to be able to eat healthy and look healthy, not fat. I want to stay at a consistent 100 lbs and be able to eat the normal three meals a day or five small meals. I’m going to make it clear to them I like how I look now and I don’t want to gain weight, I just want to learn how to eat. Again, I haven’t weighed myself today but I might go do it after I type this.
Today, I’m not at school. I woke up at 5:00 am to go to the gym like usual and I started getting really nauseous and then by 5:30 I was puking on and off for two hours. Omg I forgot how awful puking was… I haven’t puked in over three years, the last time I remember puking was freshman year (‘08) and I was getting really bad cramps and on the way to the hospital I puked on the side of the road. I think I puked because I didn’t eat yesterday except for 3 pieces of gum, I think thats what caused it because chewing gum churns the stomcach acid in your stomach and whatnot.
I’m happy but annoyed at the same time. I do want to get better but I want to continue looking like this. My thighs aren’t touching AT ALL and my body has no cellulite. Its my perfect body. And now that I look the way I want I’m going to change…. I’m NOT going back up to 110-120, that shit is fucking awful and I don’t want to go back…
I’m also worried that my job and school will be in jeopardy… If I go I’ll be inpatient for like three weeks and my boss might be angry and my teachers will be mad and I might not graduate… I hope the school and my boss will sympathize and be cool with this… I’ll be having homework sent over from school I think so I won’t be failing… and I’ll be getting my college letters in a week or two and I want to open them and be excited/depressed.
bout to puke g2g
intake
weight: unkown
food: gum x2(10c)
workout: 226c
total: -216
no one is even worried about my weight. they think I look fine. wait till they see me when I’m 80 lbs. 15 lbs to go.
